First Trip to Guatemala - Day 1

Jim and I left on Friday August 3rd for Guatemala. I had a full day at work on Thursday and basically packed all night. Jim and I both brought medium sized suit cases for ourselves, and one large suitcase of things for the children. We had asked the agency what we could expect in terms of things the foster mother would pack for the kids such as a bottle, pajamas… the answer, “Expect nothing but the clothes they are wearing.” That was all I needed to hear to feel perfectly entitled to launch a major shopping spree. Preparations included clothes, pajamas, underwear for her (she’s potty-trained, smart little girl!), diapers, diaper cream, baby shampoo, baby lotion, baby forks and spoons, sippy cups, bottles, pacifier, bath toys, swimming suits, goldfish crackers, cheerios, books, pictures (birthmother book that I created for domestic adoption), Leap Frog learning toys, playdough, crayons, coloring books, shoes, socks, sweater, DVD player, DVDs in Spanish and English, swim vests, you name it, I packed it!

We left the house at about 7:00 AM – I was bursting with excitement, Jim was being more level headed. We had barely gotten to the border of our neighborhood when I determined we had forgotten the DVD player. This time when we left, there was no turning back. I talked to my mom and dad on the way to the airport to share last minute thoughts about the trip as I knew they would be envisioning our every move. At the airport, we determined that I had been upgraded to First Class – lucky me! I asked, but no bump to first class for Jim. I was happy to be able to sit in first class as we plan to travel first class with the kids when we return as a family to the US and I wanted to photograph various aspects of travel by plane so I could prepare them in advance of our trip. I embarrassed myself a bit taking pictures of the pilots, the flight attendants, the in-seat television sets and the food. I’m sure the people around me thought that this must be my first flight ever! If only they knew…

The flight itself was pretty uneventful. I tried to cram as much Spanish in my brain as time allowed until we neared Guatemala. As we began our descent, I took advantage of the window seat to take in the land of our children. Guatemala is absolutely beautiful. I actually felt a twinge of guilt for removing our children from this beautiful country. Very lush and green and covered with undulating hills, with rivers and crevices running between them. The city of Guatemala is situated near a beautiful lake and is guarded by the peak of volcano. I look forward to future opportunities to explore the country as a family.

As we got off the plane, I was still snapping pictures for my children’s story about air travel. Jim exited the plane with a beautiful young woman, a native Guatemalan, who was just returning from six weeks of travel in Europe. She told about neat places that we should visit in Guatemala and even offered to meet us on Sunday to show us around. I was amazed by her warmth and generosity – a sensation that would be repeated over the course of our trip based on various encounters.

The airport itself is fairly small and is under heavy construction. We were able to retrieve our bags quickly and proceeded to walk outside to await our hotel shuttle. Because we had arrived about 20 minutes early, we had an opportunity to observe the people around us. Several individuals were dressed in the traditional dress of the people of Guatemala. Generally, the people around us were generally of a smaller build. Several people approached us and asked whether we needed directions or assistance hailing cab and even offered to call our hotel for us. I felt embarrassed by the volume of our suitcases and the idle treasures they contained. There was one other Caucasian family and we stood conspicuously near one another until our shuttle arrived. As we headed for to load our bags into the shuttle a small boy appeared out of no when to help us with our bags. He appeared so quickly I thought he was with the shuttle service. But it quickly became apparent by the way he was tugging at his worn and dirty clothes that he was looking for a reward for his efforts. We rewarded him handsomely.

The hotel itself was only about 10 minutes away from the airport. The buildings we passed were functional, not particularly ornate, generally had flat roofs and were protected by high gates and barbed wire. There were trees planted and growing at regular intervals along the road. We pulled into the hotel and were impressed by the expansive lobby as we entered. As we checked in, our bags were taken by the bellman and we were given a tour of the facility. As we walked around the hotel, we were surprised and in my case, a little disconcerted by the number of families staying at the hotel for the exact same reason we were staying at the hotel. Everywhere you looked were Caucasian families cradling Guatemalan children.

Once we were alone in our room, our nerves started building as the count-down began – we had about 3 hours to go before we were going to meet our children. We went downstairs to take a better look around the hotel and had lunch by the pool. Some of you may know that Jim has a habit of taking his time reading a menu and has no issue “leaving the waiter hanging” while weighing his options before placing his order. This time was no exception, only he was taking an even longer time. I pointed out at that the menu was written in English on the right hand side (just in case he hadn’t noticed!) but he told me he was trying to practice his Spanish. Pretty funny – he admitted later that he attempted to order a bacon-hamburger without tomato, and instead, ordered a bacon-hamburger without bacon! Definitely not what he meant to do!

We decided to go to the nearby shopping mall to purchase additional memory for our camera as I had already consumed a lot of my memory taking pictures about airline travel of all things!

We returned to the hotel and were now getting seriously excited. At 3:15 pm we headed down to the lobby to meet the foster mother, our lawyer and most importantly, our children!

We sat in the lobby waiting. Each time I saw someone with small children, I looked expectantly at them. Would I recognize them from the photos we had seen? There was convention taking place in the hotel for mothers and their children – so annoyingly enough, there were women passing with children all over the place. Finally, there was Jessica leading our incredibly cute kids. Jessica was holding Nelson and Vilma was walking by her side. She was so small! I came around the grouping of chairs to greet them. I didn’t want to overwhelm the kids – and really, I was just delighted! – they were so cute! I gave Jessica a hug and we tried some basic communication. Mostly, we were trying to figure out where our lawyer and translator were who were supposed to meet us.

I had brought two little cars and two Little People figures for the kids to play with and after some basic attempts at communication with Jessica, I focused on the kids and showed them the cars, pulled them back, and let them go. Vilma was instantly engaging and laughed when the truck almost rolled off the table. She kept looking up at me shyly and smiling while I played with the truck. Nelson was a little more non-committal, content to sit back and observe. Jessica surprised me by placing Nelson on my lap, which I thought might cause him some distress, but Vilma was intent on showing him the truck and playing with the Little People who we referred to as “la nina” and “las ninas” and that seemed to distract him.

Oscar, our lawyer, a second lawyer (we never understood who he was) and a translator arrived shortly after our initial encounter with the children. Oscar suggested that we meet in our room, which surprised me a little because in the US, even a bell man or room-service attendee hesitates to enter a guest room and will ask that you keep the door open, but after a moments hesitation, we headed to the elevators. Jim later shared with me later that he was certain that this was the beginning of the “shake down” and that we would be asked for money. As it turned out, we had nothing to worry about. Oscar explained to us, who he was, that he would be representing us with the court proceedings, he worked with Isabel, the primary contact between their firm and our agency, and answered various questions that we had. We learned the following from our interview with Oscar and Jessica:
Oscar did not know whether the documents had been received by Isabel yet, but committed to work through the process as quickly as possible upon their receipt
Vilma is potty-trained, but wears a diaper at night. She indicates when she needs to go to the restroom by saying “pee-pee.” She wears a diaper at night.
Nelson drinks formula from a bottle. I showed Jessica the bottle and cups I had brought – “perfecto.”
The doctor said both children needed vitamins for better nutrition – the formula in particular was needed for nourishment, if we could purchase more, that would be helpful
They wake up at 8AM, take a nap at 4PM and go to bed 9PM
They like to eat everything and eat all the time
Yes, we could ship toys or clothing directly to Oscar instead of through the agency (he wrote down his address, which was completely illegible and we had to ask the translator to re-write it)
We received telephone numbers and addresses from both Oscar and Jessica
Jessica was certainly willing to write a note and provide a momento for Vilma and Nelson to remember her by
Jessica had met the birthmother, she was committed to her adoption plan for the children and was eager to proceed with DNA testing and family court (my impression was that she saw this as a signal that Vilma and Nelson were indeed being adopted)
Jessica would ask whether Vilma and Nelson’s birthmother would like to write a note or provide a momento for the children to remember her by
Based on the fact that Vilma and Nelson had been in foster care for over 6 month, the birthmother was precluded from regaining custody
We asked whether Vilma and Nelson needed anything – the answer, vitamins, clothes, shoes, a double stroller (they liked to go outside, but Jessica had a hard time doing this without a stroller) and a bicycle for Vilma. We promised all these things – we just weren’t sure whether we would be able to find all of these things on our trip. I showed Jessica the clothes, toys and shoes we had brought and indicated we would be leaving these things with her for the children.
The children had been swimming once before with Jessica

Also, I walked Jessica through our birthmother book which I intended to leave behind so that she would understand what the pictures represented. She was very impressed with our neighborhood and our house in particular.

It sounds very orderly, but it was rather chaotic. The children were investigating the room, I was eager that their first moments be enjoyable to avoid a potentially difficult moment when Jessica departed, Jim was asking questions to the lawyer at the same time I was trying to communicate with Jessica – and there was only one translator! One of the first discoveries of Vilma and Nelson was the bag of Goldfish crackers and Cheerios – an instant hit. We would hear their agreement “comida buena?” (food good) repeatedly through the visit based on a surprised exclamation of “hmmm.” Vilma very carefully distributed the crackers to herself and to Nelson – she was clearly very protective of her brother, part sister, part mother. We proceeded to count the fish and talk about their colors – basic vocabulary that came in very handy indeed! Our overall impressions were that Oscar was very committed to working through the process, patient with our questions, Jessica obviously cared deeply for the children and was doing her best with her limited means – all in all, our impressions were very positive, which was a relief.

Jessica gave the kids a quick kiss and with that, they were gone. No tears, no drama – another good sign. Together we explored the room and opened the toy drawer. Hands proceeded to investigate and pull out one item after another. I subtly returned discarded items back to the drawer. I had unpacked all the toys from their packaging prior to our trip to conserve space and placed them all in individual Ziploc bags. One of the first items we tore into was the PlayDough – every canister had to be opened and Vilma was beside herself with pleasure. She set aside several colors for herself and designated one ball for Nelson. I tried to demonstrate how the playdough could be used with the accessories I had brought – but she wasn’t interested and she didn’t particularly like me taking any of it away. Ultimately, I demonstrated one tool that could be used to squish the playdough through to make spaghetti – or a least a bumpy piece of playdough – this she liked very much.

We oscillated between playing tickle, playing with the Playdough and eating “comida.” At one point, I pulled out of the stuffed animal drawer the two stuffed dogs that I had brought that looked like Spanky and Pancho (complete with individual dog tags that said Spanky and Pancho – a nice touch I thought!) Evidently, the kids did not particularly like dogs – Vilma pulled away from them immediately. I cuddled the dogs to show that they were nice, but put them away as I didn’t think now was the time to familiarize them with dogs they wouldn’t be seeing for some time. Interestingly, I had also brought a book about animals that you could touch and feel different textures – the hair of a dog, the fuzz of new born chick, the wool of a lamb – again, this did not appeal to Vilma at all. She clearly does not have positive associations with animals. Nelson was non-committal, but quick to mirror Vilma’s reaction. I had also brought book about potty-training which included a very nice button that made the sound of a toilet flushing and a girl giggling. This they also liked very much.

Somewhere during this period we also got a call from my mom and dad. Vilma and Nelson were happily playing and exploring and I was thrilled to report that everything thus far was going perfectly. I was glad for the call and glad that my parents had an opportunity to hear the kids laughter in the background. At one point, Vilma sat beside me and said “hola” on the phone – when I raised the phone back to my ear I heard nothing but eager attempts on behalf of a proud Opa and Oma to say “Hola” and “Adios” – very cute.

Eventually, we headed down to the dining room for dinner. Another adventure for Jim and I – we had no idea what to expect. Amazingly, they showed nothing but eagerness for dinner to proceed. They each got a high chair in which they were perfectly delighted to be placed. We gave them each a half roll to keep them occupied while Jim went through the buffet. Jim’s approach – pile as much food on one plate as possible of every kind and see what they like. Answer: everything! I must say, this whole experience was so much fun – Jim and I sitting their feeding our children, and them, totally enjoying every bite. Our conversation was peppered with “Mas?” (more) “Fruita?” (fruit) “Pollo?” (chicken) “Carne?” (meat) “Comida Buena?” (food good) and the positive response of “ci” and “hmmm.” Even Nelson was quick to say a very expressive “hmmm” (as in yummy!) Jim and I were just reveling in the experience – laughing in surprise at their positive response and marveling at their insatiable appetite. A couple from another table had been watching us and approached us as they were leaving saying what a pleasure it had been to watch us and that we all seemed incredibly happy. Happy indeed!

Once we were back in our room, we initiated bath-time. Jessica indicated that she sometimes bathed them more than once a day. I hadn’t asked how she defined a bath, but assumed she used a bath tub. I filled the bath with warm water to an appropriate level and began to undress Nelson. He started to panic and Vilma was none to pleased that I was causing him distress. I held him close to me while sitting on the toilet. He was literally shaking. I decided to put my swimming suit on and demonstrate. I had a brought a couple of bath toys – cups with holes in them – sat down in the tub and played with the water. Vilma instantly understood the purpose of the toys and began playing with them herself as she stood by the bathtub. Jim gently lowered Nelson into my lap and again, I just held him close until he felt secure. From that point, we had no issues. I gently let the water from the cups wash over him and eventually, soaped him up and rinsed him off. I decided to pass on washing his hair – the bath seemed accomplishment enough.

By the time Nelson had completed his bath, Vilma was ready to climb in – she started pulling off her clothes all by herself. As I helped her, I noticed she had several layers of clothes on – an undershirt, a t-shirt, and an overall dress – wasn’t she hot? And her panties consisted of panties that are meant to be worn on top of a diaper. I also noticed scars on her right arm and leg, extending from her elbow to her shoulder and her knee to her hip. What had this poor child experienced?

I picked her up and gently placed her feet in the tub – immediately, she peed in the tub – and looked up at me with surprise. “No problema” I told her… what are you going to do? I placed her on my lap, just as I had Nelson, and she took absolute delight in playing with the cups. She loved having one stacked above the other creating a cascade of dripping water through the holes in the cup. As Vilma and I were enjoying our bath, I heard Jim rummaging around looking for Nelson’s pajamas. He was certain I had left them behind, I was certain I had brought them. Out of frustration, he scooped all the clothes out of the drawer and brought them to me – ahh! Men! My neat little clothes drawer! Oh well, we found the pajamas and Jim proceeded to dress Nelson and get him ready for bed. Vilma eventually asked for the “shampoo” – which I assumed was soap. She very carefully and thoroughly soaped up her body, every nook and cranny – and proceeded to rinse herself off with cups of water. I was then shocked to see her proceed with her hair. In no time at all, she had doused one after another cup of water onto her hair, with both of us counting “uno, dos, tres, quatro…” I was so impressed! Both of us were enjoying every moment – each cupful was thrown with increasing vigor – and, quite a bit managed to go over the side. And, before I knew it, she took the bar of soap and started scrubbing her own hair! I had brought baby shampoo – you know, the gentle, tears free kind – apparently not for this kid! She had no issue with the soap or the water.

As the water was slowly dropping in temperature, I started to gesture that our bath was finished. She had other ideas in mind. Eventually, I climbed out and started dancing around with the towel, making “out of the bathtub” seem as fun as “in the bathtub” – with my next attempt, she was ready and willing to be lifted out of the tub. I wrapped her up tightly and brought her into the bedroom. After some tickling and blowing bunnies on various parts of her body, I pulled out her pajamas said “Bonita! Buena?” She nodded hear head with a happy smile. She loved her new purple pajamas. For Jim and I, it was further confirmation of how small they both were. They simply swam in these pajamas – they were way too big!

Jim and I settled them on the bed and tried to help them wind down. They both wanted to crawl off of the bed. Eventually, Jim and I each took a post on one side of the bed. I had watched Super Nanny plenty of times, I was ready to apply her technique. I told Jim to persistently place them back on the bed and to avoid eye contact. After several attempts of escape, they got the message the message they needed to stay on the bed. I had my back facing Vilma and started rocking back and forth and making my way through my repertoire of children’s songs – always a favorite among my nephews and the kids I had babysat for, so why not give it a try? After quite some time, I turned back around and discovered Vilma still looking at me, wide awake. After gently rubbing Nelson’s back for a while, he fell asleep. But Vilma simply wasn’t ready. Jim retired to the adjoining bedroom while Vilma and I played until after midnight. Amazingly, after that enormous dinner, she was still interested in the fish crackers and cheerios. Eventually, she and I crawled in the other bed together, with the bag of cheerios and fish crackers, and settled down to go to sleep. I still have a vision of the two of us lying side by side, facing one another, and her smile and contended sigh, happy that I was going to bed with her - melts my heart when I think about it.

Through the course of the night, I carefully jumped in and out bed each time I heard Nelson move, careful not to awake Vilma, but worried that Nelson was either cold or at risk of rolling off of the bed, although he had demonstrated amazing sensitivity earlier slowly, slowly controlling his slide off the side of the bed. There was no incident once each of them had fallen asleep, but I didn’t particularly get a good night sleep. Morning came all too soon.